To Love and Allow

I love my husband deeply, yet I know that I do not own him in any way. My inner knowingness recognizes that he is on his own path and that being married to me is a part of that journey he is on. I am most grateful that we share a big part of each other's life. It has taken me quiet some time and some bitter disappointments in other relationships to enjoy the experience of loving someone without having to control him in any way. I can allow this person that I love simply to be, even though that may be diametrically opposite to what I am, or to what I may prefer him to be.

For me, this is the essence of the marriage relationship at a conscious loving level. The ability to suspend judgment about how we feel our loved one should be conducting his or her life, and to love that person as is, is a valuable exercise in detachment. Suspending judgment means honoring his needs and right to be on his own path according to his own inner directives without my uninvited input.

My husband and I are very different from each other. In many respects I would describe us as opposites. Love often seems to work this way, allowing us to have in our loved one some of the qualities that we have not elected for ourselves. We do not seem to fall in love with those who have identical qualities. Perhaps that is because we already live with those ways of being in all of our waking moments, and to choose them in another would make for a redundant relationship. I have stopped judging and fighting the differences, and instead remind myself to be greatful for the new flavor that he brings so deliciously into my life every day. We lovingly and playfully acknowledge that we do not have to please each other all the time, nor do we even have to understand each other. This is the quality that detachment from ownership in a relationship brings. It allows us to truly appreciate the opposite "strange" qualities in each other. When a need to convert him appears, I remind myself that I fell in love with this man for what he was. On occasions I admit to being inwardly perplexed by his views and actions, but can also shift instantly to loving him for that, rather than having an internal dialogue which tries to make him wrong.